It’s easier to know what you want when life is a struggle.
Not having enough money, being in a rough relationship, having more to do than hours in a day, but what about when life starts to even out and the sun returns?
What happens when you get the new job, get out of the bad relationship, smooth over the overwhelm?
What happens when you get what you’ve asked for but what you’ve asked for is mildly status quo because you didn’t have the opportunity to think bigger yet?
It’s so unsatisfying to think that things will be “good” when you just “get over there” – and when you get there, there’s no music, no enjoyment, no highlights – just sort of meh.
More peaceful for sure than having to hustle all the time, but not thrilling either.
You’re no longer just keeping your head above the water, but standing firmly on the shore looking around, scratching your head saying, “I’m here, now what?”
It’s like driving to a destination. You put the address into the GPS and there’s effort to get there. And, once you get there, after you do the things you planned for, where do you go from there?
When I was squarely in my new post-survival baseline, I faced the hard question of “Who do I want to be NOW?”
What happens when the original starting point isn’t an option and moving forward seems so unknown and scary?
It’s Good to Know and Sometimes Not Know
What is even happening?
Who do I want to be?
What do I want?
As my days got smoother and my health rose, I thought about these answers in the back of my mind often.
And, one day from a place of exhaustion and complacency, I said out loud, “I don’t know.”
I was annoyed at myself for not knowing the things.
I was upset that I didn’t have all the answers.
When I thought about it all, I realized life as I knew it wasn’t really built to walk down the road less traveled. There’s a normal order and path – finish school, get a job, find a significant other, get married, have children and work until retirement.
Nowhere in that path was a choice for the person, for the human behind it all?
What if the “normal” order and path isn’t for you?
What if the normal order and path was not a hard absolute, but a general guideline?
What if the path is really to thoughtfully keep moving forward?
When I thought about it more, I realized that life is built of a series of “ands”. It’s wherever you are at & where you want to go & who you are mixed together to build the next steps and possibly a messy, thrilling life.
Maybe it’s ok to not have all the answers.
Maybe it’s good to let the future version of you decide some things based on who you’ve become.
Life is so unexpected that “current day” me wants to give more flexibility to future me.
As I’ve come through the discovery, tears, and turbulence, I’m looking forward to customizing this life for more laughter, joy, & meaningful moments.
And how do I get there?
Well, I’m going to try some new things, get to know myself better, and keep these corner stones in mind to keep myself centered:
Believe in magic.
Laugh more. Learn more.
Eat great food. Travel often.
Be grateful. Love with all your heart.
Be true to who you are. Trust in yourself.
It’s starting to get good 🙂
Come join me for the adventure.
Adventure is calling.
